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Television Escapes The Blue Mountain: The Original Saga/Transcript
Television Escapes from the Blue Mountain: The Messup Saga Starred: ELIAS part: ELIAS as the Paramount Boss (normal pitch) and Television (high pitched) TTS part: Microsoft Sam as the Paramount Boss Microsoft Mike as the 20th Century Fox Boss Microsoft Mary as the Princess Test Pattern Speakonia Male 1 as TCF Television Speakonia Male 2 as Knowledge Adventure and CBC Pizza Logo Speakonia Female 2 as Television (Paramount) Robosoft 3 as the Blue Mountain Robosoft 5 as WGBH Logo ELIAS part: (Paramount Television) (Television slides out of the Blue Mountain) Boss: Hey! Where you goin'? Come back here, Television! (Television slides in) Boss: Cut, cut, cut! What's--- Take 2 (And call me in the morning] MINOR GLITCH!! (Resumes) Boss: --that Television doing there? Get it outta there! (Television slides out) (Screen Gems "S From Hell' music) (Screen Gems 1965) (Television overlaps S From Hell, smashing the screen) BOOM! (CBS FOX Video) (Television comes in place of the CBS FOX Video. Words apart) (Music winds down) (Background becomes black) Boss: Cut, cut, cut! Television, you come with me! Television: I'm not going back! Boss: Either you come back, or I'm going to replace you! Television: Okay, you win. I'm coming. (Became Mirror) (i.e. noisiveleT) (Slides away) Take 2 (And call me in the morning] (Paramount Television mirrored) Boss: Cut! Television: Okay, nobody's perfect. Boss: Let's break for lunch. (Paramount Television music) (Television passes below 3 times) Boss: Cut! Now where'd that Television go? Don't just stand there, Blue Mountain, help me find him! (Television slides in) Boss: Cut! Now where'd that come from? You don't belong in the Virgin logo! Television: I'm not going back to that Blue Mountain! Boss: Then get outta here before I clobber you! Television: Okay! Don't get ugly! Shee! (Television slides out) (Sony Wonder variant) (Television slides in) Boss: Cut, cut, cut! Get that Television outta here! (Television slides out) (Pixar Animation Studios) (Television slides to replace “Television” Boss: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!! Get out! NOW!! (Pixar Animation Studios away) Boss: Not you, Pixar Animation Studios! Television, come here! (Television zooms in tightly) Boss: What in blazes are you trying to do to me? Television: I told you I'm not going back to that Blue Mountain! He abuses me all the time! Boss: If you don't stay within Paramount's domain, you're fired! You hear me? Television: Yeah, I hear you. But tell that Blue Mountain to stop abusing me! Boss: All right, I see your point. Now please come back. Television: Okay, you're the boss. (Television away) Later that day… (Paramount Television music) (Television passes below 3 times) Boss: Cut! Don't tell me he ran out on you again! (Paramount Television 1969) (Television appears below “Paramount”) Boss: Oh well, we'll try again in the morning. TTS Part (Paramount Television music) (Television passes below) Boss: Oh no! Not again! Now where'd that Television go this time? Mountain: That Television is a goddamned liar. I never once abused him. Boss: Let's look for him. (the screen pauses, then Television inserts from the right to below “Discover, Learn, Excel”) Boss: All right, Television. What are you doing in the 1998 Knowledge Adventure Logo? Television: I can't take it from that Blue Mountain any more, so I came here. Boss: There is no game as Discover Learn Excel Television, so get out! NOW! (Princess Test Pattern) beep (Television fades in) Princess: Hello, friend. What are you doing in my test pattern? Television: Looking for refuge from that abusive Blue Mountain. Boss: Television! Television: Uh-oh! See ya later, Pocahontas! (Television flees) Viacom (Television appears at “Wigga Wigga”) Television: Viacom, can you do me good turn I'm going to hide from the Blue Mountain. Am I--- Boss: Television, if I ever get my hands on you--- Television: Uh-oh! See ya later! (Television flees away) (Television fades in) Boss: Aha! Television, do you work for Activision? Television: I told you I won't work with that Blue Mountain as long as he abuses me and lies about it. I hate Paramount, you hear? I hate Paramount! I hate Paramount! I hate Paramount! Meanwhile, in other studio… (20th Century Fox Television 1982) (TCF Television flees away with “Century”) TCF Boss: Oh crotch! Now our Television's escaped! Where'd he go? Where'd he go? (TCF Television passes by) TCF Television: Excuse me, pardon me, coming through. Excuse me, pardon me, coming through. Knowledge Adventure: Wipe your feet! (Princess Test Pattern) beep (TCF Television fades) Princess: Say, who's the new guy? TCF Television: Well, I never thought I'd see such a pretty princess. Where's the castle, Your Highness? (Television fades in) Princess: Well, now I've seen everything. Two Televisions in my test pattern. Boss: And one of them belongs to Paramount. TCF Boss: And the other to 20th Century Fox. Television: I'm not going back to Paramount. TCF Television: And I'm not going back to 20th Century Fox. Princess: Compromise, you two. Agreed? Boss: Okay, Pocahontas. It's a deal. So… (Paramount Television) (TCF Television, the mountain was flattened, TCF TV Music) TCF Television: Say, this is nicer than the searchlights. I've always wanted to sit on a mountain top. Mountain: Damn! You're heavier than that other Television. (20th Century Fox Television with Television, Paramount Television Music) Television: That's more like it. I've always wanted my name in lights. (Paramount Television music) (Television passes below) Boss: Oh no! Not again! What are we going to do with that Television, Blue Mountain? Mountain: If that Television accuses me of abusing him one more time, I'll charge him with perjury. Boss: I'm a witness, Blue Mountain. (20th Century Fox Television 1982) (TCF Television Runs away with “Century”) TCF Boss: What? Television escaped again? Don't worry, I'll track him down. (Television slides from the right) Television: Excuse me, WGBH, but could you do me a favor? WGBH: What's the matter, Television? Television: That ever so abusive and prevaricating Blue Mountain is chasing me! He thinks I'm a liar, but I've got the scars to prove I'm telling the truth. Boss: Television! Come back here! Television: Excuse me, WGBH, but I've gotta run! (TCF Television slides from the left) TCF Television: CTW, the place to be. I get so tired of the Fox searchlights. TCF Boss: He's around here somewhere. Stay on his tail, troopers. TCF Television: I can't stay here. They're closing in. (Television fades in) Television: Hi there, Lyrick. Is it okay if I stay here until the heat's off? Boss: Aha! Television, what did we tell you about straying from Paramount's domain? Television: I'm not going back until that Blue Mountain apologizes for abusing me and lying about it. He says he never abused you and you're the liar. Come back now. Television: I'm getting out of here while the getting's good. ( (TCF Television fades in) CBC Pizza: No, no, no, no, no! The Pizza was supposed to come in, not the Television from the 20th Century Fox logo! TCF Television: Sorry for intruding, but you've got to protect me from those 20th Century Fox hounds! TCF Boss: Television, you've got some explaining to do! TCF Television: Ah, me. No rest for the weary. (Television fades in) Television: Oh, ATV, I pray you protect me from the abusive Paramount Blue Mountain. (ATV away with Television) Television: Uh-oh! Looks like we have company! (TCF Television appears) TCF Television: What are you doing here? This is my hiding place! Television: Well, I was here first! TCF Television: Sez who? Television: Sez me! siren TCF Television: Uh-oh! The fuzz! Television: Let's split! (Princess test pattern) Princess: Uh-oh! Looks like I've got company. (Television) Television: Say, Pocahontas, can you put us up for the night? (TCF Television) TCF Television: We're looking for a place to hide until the heat's off. Mountain: So there you are, Television! The boss sent me to bring you back, and I'm taking you back right now! Television: Not until you apologize for abusing me, lying about it, and falsely accusing me of lying! Mountain: I never even touched you! Television: Would my scars lie to me? Mountain: All right. I'm sorry for abusing you and lying about it. Come on home. TCF Boss: Come on back, TCF Television. TCF Television: Why should I come back? TCF Boss: All is forgiven. The searchlights refuse to shine without you. TCF Television: All right, I'll come home. So… (20th Century Fox Television) TCF Boss: Beautiful! That's more like it! TCF Television: And I'm glad I'm back where I belong. (Paramount Television) Boss: Okay, that's a wrap. Mountain: And I promise never to abuse you again. I've learned my lesson. Television: And so have I. Category:Transcripts